Author: Dr. Megan Oliverio

At a time in life when it’s both developmentally appropriate and culturally expected to seek independence from families, adolescents budding independence continues to be curbed by the impact of COVID-19. This time continues to be particularly difficult for adolescents who are going back to school in new ways, redefining social lives, and continuing to forego rites of passage. The continued uncertainty is especially challenging for parents who must continue to figure out how to navigate this unprecedented time for their children. While decisions are inevitably based on what is best for your family, maintaining an understanding of what your adolescent may be thinking and feeling can help to navigate this time with a bit less conflict. Below is some guidance for parents and families to help support adolescents:

1. Validate Feelings and Be Empathic

This is the time in their development when adolescents want to go their own way and explore the world outside the family’s circle in order to find their own identity. While social media is a normalized way for adolescents to interact, they are continuing to miss real-life interactions. With these being limited or just different during these times, adolescents are especially frustrated about restrictions. This is a pretty normal response! Having the adults in their life acknowledge and validate what they’re feeling will go a long way in helping them cope. Parents may be tempted to remind their kids that they are lucky to be healthy and that in the big picture, missing milestones isn’t such a big deal. Resist saying those things. Minimizing the feelings and experiences of anyone, especially adolescents, is not helpful. Acknowledge their experience and validate their sadness or frustration.

Many families are choosing different rules for themselves. This can be particularly challenging if your rules mean your child is the one being left out. For teens, parent decisions, as usual, are unlikely to align with their own. It’s important to hear them out, empathize with their frustration, and continue to maintain the reason for your choice.

2. Be Consistent and Flexible

Both consistency and flexibility are important. Information and regulations surrounding COVID-19 are in a continual state of flux, which means that your thoughts about what is best for your family will inevitably change. It’s important to hold consistent rules for adolescents, while also allowing for flexibility. Above all, communication is key. It’s okay for your choices as parents to change. It’s important to talk with adolescents about differences in family decisions and reasons why decisions might change for your family. While they may not be happy with your choice, it will be easier for them to digest if they have a sense of where you’re coming from.

3. Make Sense of Invincibility

Many adolescents feel invincible – an attitude that is developmentally normal. Evolutionarily, we know that there’s a reason why adolescents engage in more risk-taking, and subsequently become more willing to branch out from the family. Adolescents may struggle more to follow precautions, and feel these precautions are over the top or burdensome. When talking to your children about precautions, be sure to meet them where they’re at in this understanding. Validate their experience, empathize with their frustrations, and then provide information about the realities of the virus and how their cooperation can help.

4. Promote Purpose

One of the biggest challenges adolescents are facing is a complete and utter loss of control. They are trapped between youth and adulthood, and they have no sense of what their future may hold. As parents, you can help your teen regain a sense of control and purpose by helping them find and focus on activities that offer feedback. This can range from creating and maintaining responsibilities at home to helping them find organizations and causes to participate in and support.

5. Find and Keep a Routine

Whatever the new school year has in store for your kids this year, it’s important to create boundaries and maintain a routine. Just like the end of the last school year, this year is bound to look and feel much different than is typical. The actual logistics of the routine are less important. What matters is that you hold to a routine that promotes consistency, normalcy, and predictability. Maintaining a bedtime, wake time, and outline of activities is key. While schoolwork is a primary focus, be sure to add in time to be active, socialize, engage in extracurricular activities, and relax.

6. Grant Some Autonomy

Adolescence is a time when teens benefit from taking more ownership and demonstrate autonomy. For example, it’s okay to let them be independent in remote learning. Parents should continue to check-in and provide support, but don’t need to take over their schooling.

Additionally, don’t get angry if your adolescent needs to isolate in their room (within reason) – this might just be what they need to recharge. Allow teens that can drive to do just that – take a drive. Listen and be willing to find creative and safe ways to tackle challenges together. Compromise is important and can go a long way.

7. Monitor Mental Health

We are all navigating the challenges and uncertainty of this time. While apathy or pessimism are becoming more commonplace as the virus continues to impact the way we live our lives, it is important to keep a close eye on your child’s mental health. Adolescents don’t always communicate sadness or anxiety in expected ways. Sadness and anxiety can often be masked by frustration, irritability, anger, or disconnection. Be curious about what other feelings might be hiding underneath. Check-in with your teens regularly, take note of changes and reach out for therapeutic support.

We’re continuing to face untold challenges, and all of us are managing the unpredictability. This blog offered a few thoughts on how best to support adolescents during this time, but it’s important to recognize when you or anyone in your family could use extra support. Our experienced staff is here to help. If you or a loved one are looking for additional support, check out our individual and group services, and contact us today.